Pray for Me.

Hey everybody. I'm so sorry I have been away for the longest time. A lot has been going on lately, and yes before you guys all start storming on me for not blogging for more than a month.. I'm so sorry. I've honestly been unwell and busy at the same time. Again, if you all want to know more.. please read my Dayre, I somehow tend to blog more there lately. 

1st things 1st.. I'm writing this blog today with a heavy heart. Le Hulk Hubster and I have been trying to conceive ever since we got married. Never knew it was that hard to get pregnant.. I've been in the closet about my miscarriage for a while now.. And I think it's about time I voice out what I really want to say. Which will also explain my lack of updates. 

Most of you would have known by now I had 2 previous miscarriage. It's not easy honestly to wake up one day knowing that your late, and you freak out wanting to know if you are pregnant or not. The minute you find out you are pregnant you start to get excited, make appointments with the gynea and get a lot of bed rest.. And then.. Few days down the road.. You miscarry. 

Yes, a lot of you would go.. You are still young, don't worry you will one day be a mother soon. Yes, that is true. But you have no idea how hard it is to just keep journeying through miscarriage. And getting a positive pregnancy test.. I guess many people will approach this differently. But, it's slowly starting to take a toll on me. 

Few weeks back, I found out I'm pregnant. I immediately made an appointment with my gynea and she confirmed my pregnancy saying everything was stable, it was a clear sign. Everything was going great. Somehow deep in me, I was still worried for my unborn after the 2 miscarriages.. True enough 2 days down the road.. I started bleeding. Again, I immediately made an appointment with my gynea. All I remember her saying was "This is a bad sign, your womb is rejecting the fetus. But there is still a 50/50 chance. I may tell you now, this is a bad sign.. But, some people come back and fetus is still well intact." 

I wanted to run away and cry. I just didn't know what the hell was going on with my body. Why the heck are my hormones low, why is this happening to me again and again? Why me? Le Hulk Hubster decided to take me along to Singapore to get my mind off. But the whole trip, everything I did.. I was so careful and afraid. 

So here I am.. writing this blog. This weekend is my appointment with my Gynea to check if fetus is still intact. I still have all the symptoms, but maybe I'm over thinking things. I don't want to have any high hopes, so I'm going to try to calm myself down and not think too much. No I'm not writing this blog to seek pity or comfort. I just want to let a lot of want to be mother's that they are not alone going through this. I know how hard it is sometimes, but as time passes on. We can only take comfort knowing that God loved our unborn more, and sometimes.. When the time is right, without realising it.. We will get God's greatest gift ever. 

And if I don't blog as often, please forgive me. And say a little prayer for me. Till then..